


Am I But Second Best?

by Pilgrim_Grey



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Clint Barton Feels, Clint Barton Has Issues, Fanboy Phil Coulson, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Clint Barton, Insecure Phil Coulson, M/M, Misunderstanding, Requited Love, confused!Steve Rogers, phlint - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-11-10 19:24:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11133153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pilgrim_Grey/pseuds/Pilgrim_Grey
Summary: (Prompt from @purpleli93) Established Clint/Phil, before captain America was found. Then they find captain America, Clint thinks he is gonna loose Phil (even though Phil is madly in love with Clint, he considers him “the one”) to captain so tries to enjoy the time they have left and looks at Steve wishing he could be him so Phil could love him forever, but Phil catches those glimpses Clint gives captain America and thinks Clint is falling in love with Steve. Phil thinks it makes sense, since Steve is younger, handsome, kind, etc. So both wait until the other wants to break up until one can’t take the wait anymore and explodes in angst then they talk and happy ending!(I saw this prompt and couldn’t help myself from hijacking it :P.)(PS: It kinda ran away from me .It was supposed to be a short fic but now it seems to want to expand itself into a long fic. I am going to post it in parts as I finish writing them. )





	1. Captain America Found

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Purpleli93](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purpleli93/gifts).



> (I saw this prompt and couldn’t help myself from hijacking it :P.)
> 
> (PS: It kinda ran away from me .It was supposed to be a short fic but now it seems to want to expand itself into a long fic. I am going to post it in parts as I finish writing them. )

It was barely four when the muted beep-beep of an incoming message on the phone jolted both men awake. While Clint blearily stumbled towards the attached bathroom, Phil took the phone and swiped it open to glare at the too-bright message. 

It had been a good night. They had been able to get away from SHIELD for once (Phil filed away all those tasks which did not required immediate attention for _later_ ), spending a lazy day in each other’s company. A dinner at Tanto’s where they had their first date, appropriate for their fourth anniversary. Then a movie (which they did _not_ spent kissing; they weren’t teenagers, thank you very much).They had tumbled into bed when they came home, passion for once not deadened by fatigue.

Then they had gotten less than an hour’s sleep when Phil’s phone woke them up. This better be an urgent matter that couldn’t be handled by anyone else, Phil thought furiously. He had specifically asked for two days off: anniversary and the day after, with instructions that he was unreachable unless something urgent and essential came up.

He pulled up the message and very nearly dropped the phone. “Holy shit!” he not-yelped. Clint stuck his head out of the bathroom, toothbrush sticking out the corner of his mouth. “Mmrrhmrrm?”

“They found Captain America!” Just like that, Phil was wide awake. So was Clint, by the way his eyes got comically big. Phil was staring at his phone in amazement but Clint knew it wasn’t going to last long. Phil Coulson was a man of action and this occasion would not be any difference. 

Sure enough, half an hour later Phil was already on his way to SHIELD. _On a day off with plans made months ahead_. Clint did not offer to join; no point, he thought. He knew how big a fanboy Phil was over Captain America. And now, with news that they found Captain America alive though frozen (he was still trying to wrap his head around the _alive_ part), Clint would be surprised if they were able to drag Phil away from Medical short of a crisis. 

Clint saw Phil off (how _domestic_ they had become), then return to tidy up their apartment. Phil’s apartment, he thought with a pang. Even though they have been together for four years, they still kept separate lodgings. Phil had never mention moving in together and Clint had not wanted to rock the boat, treasuring the relationship over any tangible proof. But now he wondered whether he made a mistake, whether the newly returned Captain would cause him to not have a boyfriend any longer. No, he thought firmly to himself. Captain America had always been portrayed to be honourable. He would not steal another’s treasure. 

But what if Phil left? A small poisonous voice piped in the dark recesses of his mind. What if he saw Captain America and realized that he can do so much better than a carnie? What then? Clint slammed the washing machine close over the load of laundry he just pushed in. He wondered whether he would be able to let Phil leave if he wanted to. No, he strengthened his resolve. If Phil wanted to leave, he must let him leave. After all, he had always known that there was no forever for them. Phil was so refined, smooth and competent; while he was a rough carnie who could barely read and had relied on Phil to teach him the letters when he first joined SHIELD. Phil was _way_ outta his league and he was still surprised that Phil had asked him for a date in the first place.

 

 

Phil strode into SHIELD with his usual calm confidence. He kept his face expressionless as junior agents scurried out of his way while the senior agents nodded as greetings. He nodded back at the senior agents while noting the reactions of the junior agents. He gave an internal sigh; he _will_ have to organize training again for the junior agents. They _just_ cannot maintain the blank facade so essential to their secrecy.

The lift dinged then, opening onto the fourth floor. Medical. Unlike other areas of SHIELD, Medical was always orderly and clean. Until some mission or other went FUBAR and then Medical would be worked to its maximum capacity. Today was clearly not one of those days. 

Medical was mostly empty, the few agents seeking medical attention due to training mishaps rather than mission based injuries. Only the furthest ward was bustling with people and that’s where Phil was heading. 

“Sitrep!” He barked, as a way to gain their attention _and_ some information. “Sir!” A junior agent disentangled herself from the crowd. He looked at her. Agent Brown, a good agent from what he saw and heard, but horrible with first aid. Why in the world was she here? 

“Sir, my team was assigned to Project: Rebirth for this month. On the 5th, one of the researchers said he think he found something up north so we all swung up to where he thought he detected something. It was up near north pole and so damn cold. Then, two days ago, on the 17th, one of the patrols found a wing sticking up through the ice. It took the team a day and a half to cut through the ice and identify the air craft. Then Orwell and Jones went in. They found him, sir! It is really him! Captain America!” Brown started off professional enough but at the end of her report, the tiniest hitch and a slight change in tone alerted Phil that she was not as calm as she would like him to believe. Not a bad attempt for a Level 3. 

Of course she wasn’t calm. _He_ was not calm and he was a Level 8. Captain America by gods. The symbol of all that was good and worth protecting, the symbol that the little guy can _do something_ and deck a bully as well as anyone. Phil took a breath and stepped forward, the crowd parting in front of him. It was an ability he cultivated, enabling him to slip through crowds quickly and without fuss which had proven useful in more than a few missions. 

A few quick steps, and he was standing in front of Captain America. S teven G. Rogers, his mind whispered. He certainly did not look like he can deck anyone right now. For one, his chest was barely moving. For another, he was hooked up to a lot of machines and from what Phil can understand from the monitors were not good. His vitals were too low, That would explain the crush of medical personnel around him.

Phil silently withdrew. He can do nothing for now. It would be more useful to go back to his office and start the paperwork to get Captain America declared alive again. He knew that this case will almost certainly be assigned to him; Fury knew of his obsession with Captain America and had a weird sense of humour.

Speaking of humour, Phil couldn’t help but be reminded of Clint. An expert marksman, the quiet young man he brought into SHIELD had blossomed into a confident and playful young man. Mischiveous and lively, Clint made a hobby of scaring the baby agents out of their skin. “To train them for constant vigilance!” he would protest whenever anyone try to tell him off. 

Phil couldn’t help the small smile at the thought of Clint. Gods, he loved him so much that it scared him sometimes. Clint had seemed a bit off however. Perhaps it would be better if he returned to Clint. After all, the paperwork wasn’t urgent. One of the doctors had given him an estimate of two weeks before the good Captain would even be lucid to answer questions. 

His mind made up, Phil quickly grabbed his stuff and prepare to return. Perhaps they can still salvage something of their leave. 

 

 

 


	2. Captain America awakens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint was sent onto a mission. Phil ended up with Captain America's case as he predicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry. It has been a long time (very long) since I posted the 1st chapter. Please don't kill me.

The washing machine trilled, signifying the end of the wash cycle. Clint was looked over and decided the laundry could keep a bit while he finished the dishes. He was drying the last of the dishes when he heard the sound of a key turning in the lock. Instantly alert, he quickly reached for one of the many guns hidden around their home. 

It might seemed paranoid, but one thing Clint learnt as a secret agent for a _secret agency_ was that you can never be too paranoid when you make enemies of smart, resourceful, _evil_ people all around the world. ‘Constant vigilance!” were the name of the game (yeah well, Harry Potter was a good read and the movies not half bad), and both he and Phil knew it. There were weapons hidden in every room for just this reason. 

Clint was alert and on the defensive because as far as he knew, there had been no expected visitors for today and Phil had went to SHIELD. Usually he would not be back so early, even more so now they found Captain America. As far as Clint was concerned, there was good cause to worry. 

The key turned, the door opening, Clint had reached the gun and brought it up to face ......Phil, standing bemused in the doorway. “Clint?” he asked. “Is everything alright? I bought us brunch from the bodega down the street.” So saying, Phil hefted the bag he was holding and smiled at Clint. _As though he had not nearly given Clint a bloody heart attack._

“Jesus, Phil. Give a man some warning next time okay? I thought it was our past catching up!” Clint exhaled explosively, turning to put away the gun into its own hidey hole. He wasn’t avoiding Phil (no, really, the gun must be put away). But his heart clenched a bit. Brunch from the bodega. That’s what Phil had gotten them the morning after the first time they spent the night together. 

“So, Captain America huh?” Clint pasted a mask of wry affection as he turned back. “I thought you say you have to go in?” The silent ‘why are you back already’ not spoken but heard the same. “Captain America,” Phil confirmed wryly, acknowledging his fanaticsm with said Captain. “And I did went in. Medical told me that he would still be out for a few more weeks. There’s nothing that will not keep so I came back.” To spend time with you, Phil added silently. 

Clint very nearly frowned. Did Phil meant that he only came back because Captain America was not awake or did Phil meant that he just went in to check up on the good Captain? Either way, Clint decided that he might just as well enjoy the time he had with Phil. Putting on a grin, he reached for the bag Phil was still holding. “Brunch? Did you remember to grab a couple of those great hash browns they have? Because I gotta tell you, those are the best things on their menu.”

“Don’t be silly, Clint. Their best is definitely the bacon ham muffins,” Phil deadpanned. He laughed when Clint clutched at his chest dramatically, crying, “NO!! You have betrayed the Hash Browns! The Hash Browns shall reigned forever!“ Phil noted with relief that whatever strange mood Clint was in seemed to have passed.

For a while, their lives returned to normalcy. Well, as normal as their lives could be as agents of a covert government agency. Their leave ended with the two of them satisfied (and sated). Clint was almost immediately sent onto a mission that required his special skillset.Clint was not too happy but it was a short mission to terminate some unsavoury character that SHIELD would prefer to be out of the game. Three weeks and he would be back. Not the longest mission he had, but the mission required communication black out, _which_ he did not like, especially when his relationship with Phil was being threatened (by Captain America no less!). But an order’s an order. Clnt had no choice but to go on the mission, hoping (praying) that he would still have a relationship when he came back.

But no, he chided himself. Phil’s a good man and would not do that to anyone. If he wanted to end a relationship, he would tell Clint straight (not that it would hurt any less), not during a mission with a communication blackout requirement. No, the way Phil looked at him, the hashbrowns he had bought for Clint eventhough he wasn’t a fan, all those, they _don’t_ add up to someone trying to dump their boyfriend. Therefore, you should stop being silly, Clint told his head harshly, tightening the straps of his gear on the Quinjet heading towards their destination in a corrupt little state in Western Europe.

Phil, on the other hand, returned to a thin file on his desk with a Post-It note tacked to the front. ‘ _Be grateful and deal with the soldier_ ’ it read in Fury’s messy scrawl. He smiled to himself blandly. As he predicted then. Captain America is now his problem to deal with. 

Phil decided that as he would be missing Clint as badly from their apartment (damn communication black out), he might as well take advantage of the time and try to clear some of the never-ending paperwork to decrease the backlog somewhat.

A week and a half later, an email from Medical popped up. The Captain was waking up ahead of their estimate, did Agent Coulson want to come down? Of course he did. Phil put on his blandest face before heading out. Giddy and excited was not part of Agent Coulson after all. To see him otherwise then quietly competent may lose him some of those carefully cultivated repectful fear among the junior agents. (Okay, yes. Phil wanted to make a good first impression on his childhood hero, sue him.)

All said and done, within half an hour from the time Phil received the email, he was in Medical, watching through the observation room as Captain America gradually come back to life. He was not the only one there; almost all the on site Level 6 and above senior agents were standing in the observatory. But Phil noted with secret glee that he would be the only one allowed to talk to Captain America for now. 

He saw when the Captain became aware of his surroundings; he suddenly went painfully still. Phil decided that it was time he make an appearance. Silently, he withdrew from the observatory. Only a few agents noticed his departure, a fact he noted with displeasure. As senior agents they should have been much more aware of their surroundings. 

Phil filed that away as something to deal with _after_. Now, he should attend to Captain America. A quiet word to one of the orderly, a few seconds later the windows of the observatory went dark. Captain America had his privacy violated quite thoroughly already. Besides, Phil wanted to talk to Captain America without nearly 30 pairs of eyes on him. 

Reaching the door, he gave a perfunctory knock and entered. “Good afternoon, Captain Rogers. I am Agent Phil Coulson and you are currently in the custody of SHIELD.” The man gave up pretense of still being unconscious, sitting up slowly, as though he was still stiff (of _course_ he was stiiff; he had slept for 70 years damnnit!). “SHIELD? What is SHIELD?” the Captain’s voice was deeper than Phil had imagined. 

“At ease, Captain, you are among friends. SHIELD stands for **S** trategic **H** omeland **I** ntervention, **E** nforcement and **L** ogistic **D** ivision. It is the successor to the SSR, if you like.” “Successor of the SSR? What happened?” “Captain, you have slept for 70 years. SSR is no longer in active duty.” Phil hated himself a little at that point, seeing Captain America went blank in shock. 

“But, how? The war? Peg- I mean, Agent Carter and Colonel Phillips?” The Captain sounded so lost and young at the moment that Phil was forcefully reminded how young Captain America was, barely passing his 22nd birthday when the plane went down and time (for him) stood still. 

“The war is over, Captain. As for the rest, you shall be given the information after you rest and eat.” Doctors and nurses started coming in; they had promised Phil only 5 minutes. After all, Captain America had just woken up after a very long time under the ice. They need to keep him under strict observation. A nurse started to measure the Captain’s blood pressure and pulse. “I will be back later to answer any questions you have for us,” Phil promised. 

The Captain’s eyes were still wary, but no longer hostile. He nodded in agreement with Phil’s plan. Phil counted that as a win. He retreated to his office, decidiing that he can go back to Medical in a few hours’ time. How he wished that Clint was back stateside. Then he could go to him for support and to calm himself down before the second meeting with Captain America.


	3. Captain America Befriended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @purpleli93, apologies. RL and personal issues nearly made me stop writing altogether. Thankfully it is resolved now and I am slowly getting back into writing.

Clint was in a bad mood when he returned from the mission, not that Phil had seen the man yet. He had, however, heard the gossip and the rumours flying thick and fast in the corridors, cafeteria, wherever agents tend to group up. For secret agents, they sure were a chatty, gossipy bunch. Apparently Clint had gotten into a fight with the handler early into the mission (verbal) when the man refused to even consider his request to change his perch, and then again later when the mission went tits up and the man tried to pin the blame on him, on the supporting agents, the tech support team, anyone he could. 

Then he had apparently snapped at Agent Sitwell when he try to debrief them. In front of _Director Fury_ _._ To say Phil was surprised and concerned was to put it lightly. Clint had always been in control of his emotions. No matter how bad the mission or the handler was (and this mission was _bad_ on both accounts), he had never overreacted in this manner. This made Phil worried enough that he put aside his paperwork for the day when he got news that Clint was in medical getting checked over some injuries he had _apparently failed to mention_ after the mission or during the debrief. 

Phil made a beeline for Ward Four when he reached Medical being that there was where Clint always end up. Only the doctor in charge of Ward Four, Doctor Hundi, would actually treat Clint. The others refused, traumatized by his tendency to get bored and signing himself AMA, or when he can’t, play pranks on them. For some reason, Doctor Hundi was spared from all his antics. Of course Phil knew the reason: Doctor Hundi was the only one who had treated Clint without discrimination. The other doctors had, at one time or another, been dismissive of Clint as an asset, especially in his early days in an agent.

However, Clint was not in Ward Four when Phil pushed open the double doors leading to the ward. Immediately Phil’s heart leapt into his mouth. The very few times Clint was not housed in Ward Four was when Clint was too seriously injured for the basic care Ward Four can give. “Doctor Hundi,” Phil went straight to where the handsome Indian lady was standing at the nurse station.

“Agent Coulson. What can I do for you today?” she half-turned in apparent surprise. “I was told that Agent Barton was to report to medical for hidden injuries?” Phil phrased it as a question although both of the knew that he had not received misinformation. A nice perk when you are both handler and and next of kin of your significant other. “Oh! It was nothing serious, just a couple of scratches and a bruised rib. After being cleaned up and bandaged Agent Barton left.” “He left? How long?” Phil knew his tone was too sharp; Doctor Hundi gave him a glance bordering on the sharp edge of a glare.  But she replied, and that was all Phil cared at this moment.

“Agent Barton left around half an hour ago. Now, if you will excuse me, I have other patients to see to.” For all that Phil was Level Seven and therefore outranked Doctor Hundi in all things that matters, she was impressively unimpressed by him. Phil found himself liking her a lot. Now, if he can figure out where Clint had gone that would be perfect. Half an hour would be more than ample time for Clint to have gone to his office.

One of the nurses caught his attention. “Sir, I was the one attending to Agent Barton earlier. He was saying something about visiting a man out of time?” he looked a bit bemused and Phil couldn’t blame him. Captain America was still need-to-know as far as SHIELD was concerned. Which means that all the Level Six and above knew about it. But the nurse was only a Level 2 and so would not know. “Thank you, Nurse,” Phil sneaked a glance at his name tag. “- Brown. I believe I know where Agent Barton was heading to.” He turned on his heels and walked towards where he was quite certain Clint had gone. 

 

***********

 

Steve Rogers was awake when the man came into his room. SHIELD had been kind enough to provide him with a small room usually reserved for their own agents on the helicarrier. At least he thought it was his. The man dropping into his room via the vent made him a bit suspicious. He watched warily from his seat by the window as the brown-haired man dust himself off perfunctorily before straightening and fixing him with a half-glare. "You are Captain America," he stated bluntly. "Steve, actually," Steve replied, feeling quite annoyed with the whole Captain America thing. It wasn't _that_ long ago that the moniker was a dancing monkey. Although he had been told that Captain America had become a national hero and had actually been there for the start of his missions as Captain America, Steve could not help but be annoyed whenever he was introduced as Captain America rather than Captain Steven Rogers as though he was only Captain America, the national hero and nothing else. 

"Steve-Captain-America-Rogers. I know your name," the man grunted. Why was he so antagonistic, Steve wondered. He was quite sure that he had never met the man before. "And who are you?" he asked. "Clint Barton," was all that was offered. As though it make any sense! Silence fell between them, heavy and tense. Until the man finally sighed and stretched again. "Okay, fine. I am sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Phil would have my head. Anyway, heard that you have been spending time with Phil and I wanted to meet you also."

"Phil? Spending time- Oh, you mean Agent Coulson. Yeah, I did spend most of my time with him. I think he is my, what do you guys called it? Handler? He is my handler, I think." Steve was surprised that this man, Barton, had sought him out because he spent time with Agent Coulson. "I was told that Agent Coulson is in charge of my re-training and re-integration into society."

"Is that so." Barton didn't seem convinced. "Well, that and," Steve felt his ears heating up as he remembered the way Agent Coulson had stuttered his way into asking for autographs on his card collection (in near-mint condition!). "I was told that he was a fan?" To his surprised, Barton huffed a laugh. "A fan? Man, he is the biggest fan of Captain America I know! He is probably giddy that he got to meet Captain America in flesh." Steve flushed in mortification, "I am only human, Barton. Nothing special." "Except for the serum and the heroics, no, you aren't anything special," Barton agreed sardonically. 

Time to change tactics, Steve decided. "Do you have a reason to come into my room? I am given to understand that this is my personal room." "Changing the subject, Cap?" Barton grinned. "Well, if you need a reason, I just want to take a look at who Phil has been spending time with. Anyway, nice talk, I better scram. See you around Cap!" And with that, Barton was up in the vents in a flash, replacing the grate with practiced ease, leaving Steve to gape after him. Steve's reflexes weren't slow by any measure but he was still caught off guard.

Barton had barely left the room when a knock came. Steve took a deep breathe composing himself before opening to the door... only to find Agent Coulson standing outside. "Agent Coulson! Did I miss an appointment?" he asked, surprised. "No Captain, there is no appointment. I am sorry to intrude but I am here to look for Agent Barton. I am told that he was coming to see you." Agent Coulson replied, his face giving nothing away. "Agent Barton? So he _is_ working for SHIELD. Do come in, Agent Coulson," said Steve, stepping back to let Agent Coulson in. 

Agent Coulson froze minutely at the mention of Agent Barton. It wasn't obvious, just a small pause in his stride, then he continued on as though nothing happened. Steve only saw because he was looking closely in the first place. He thought that Agent Coulson would ask him what Agent Barton and he talked about but Agent Coulson surprised him again. "Do you have any doubt about who he was in the first place, Captain? Why didn't you sound an alarm?" Steve knew what he was asking, why he didn't trigger the silent alarm set on his phone to call for reinforcements when he suspected that someone who wasn't SHIELD was on the 'carrier.

"I was a bit suspicious but I can take him in a fight if it comes to that. Anyway, we are on a helicarrier and I don't think that anyone not working for SHIELD will be able to get in," Steve answered, a tad defensive. Agent Coulson looked unconvinced but did not argue on that point. "Agent Barton is a Specialist; he is a SHIELD sniper but he is excellent at hand-to-hand as well. I think that he would have give you a run for your money, Captain." Is that a smile he saw on Agent Coulson's face? It _is_ , a very small smile, just a small quirking of his lips, but a smile nonetheless. "Well," Steve started, then stopped, not sure what to say to that. Sure he had his superhuman strength and reflexes and the basic training they gave him as a soldier but that was that. If Agent Barton was a specialist as Agent Coulson said, then it is more than probable that his hand-to-hand was better than Steve's and would definitely gave him a challenge in that field.

"Captain, how long ago Agent Barton left?" Agent Coulson prompted when it became apparent that Steve was lost for words. "Uh, not long. In fact, he left just before your knock," Steve was sheepish for reasons that he himself was unsure of. "I see. Very well then, Captain. I shall take my leave of you. Please remind Agent Barton if you see him again to not use the vents. He is not authorized to enter the vents." With that, Agent Coulson stood, gave a nod, and left, closing the door gently behind him. Steve simply shook his head and went back to the book he was reading before all the interruptions. Agents. 

 

***********

 

Phil decided to return to his office when his trip to Captain America's room did not yield an archer. If Clint had left before he came in, then it is more than likely that he will end up in his office sooner or later. Clint did not much like the helicarrier and he did not have a office, only a small cubicle that offered no privacy. Sure enough, Phil opened his office door to a certain archer stretched out over his couch like a feline. "Barton, nice to see you here," he spoke as he went to his chair behind his desk which was overflowing with paperwork. Clint simply grinned, saying, "Aw, Phil. You missed me. I am so touched." 

Phil definitely did not crack but was absolutely serious when he replied, "You have only be gone for a month, of course I have not missed you." He pretend to be engrossed with the paperwork, ignoring the grinning archer. "Come on, Phil, I know you and you have been reading the same line 3 times in the last five minutes." Clint did not even pretend to be fooled, calling Phil out on his pretense. 

"Speaking of, I went to see a certain Man Out of Time," Clint said nonchalantly. Or was it? Phil could not help but think that he heard some undercurrent in Clint's tone of ice. "I know. I went to find you in the Medical Bay." "Well? Aren't you going to ask me how it went?" Clint asked teasingly. "How did it went?" Phil played along. "He is a national hero and he is nice. He asked me to call him Steve. I like him," Clint replied, distracted by an after action report he spotted on Phil's desk. "Hey, what is this? You took on new agents while I was away? I thought I was the only one to submit after action reports to you?" 

"Fury assigned Captain America to me and he had his first mission three days ago." Phil tried not to think too much on the fact that Captain Rogers asked Clint to call him by his first name or that Clint seemed inclined to do so. "Is that so? How'd Steve do?" Clint asked curiously, sneaking the after action report off the desk. Phil snatched it back and gave him a half-hearted glare. "You know full well that all missions are confidential and need-to-know only, Clint." "Oh come off it! I will bet that it is a mere milk run and I can get information on it from the watercooler gossip around here." Clint grinned, unrepentant.

Well, that's true. There's no way that Captain America's first mission in the 21st century would be anything too urgent and important _and_ it was likely news had already been passed around, gossiped and analysed by the other agents. But it still did not mean that he was going to break confidentiality. Nope, he was not going to cave under Clint's infectious grin. No, no, no- oh what the hell. It would not make any difference; Clint would have known one way or the other. At least that was what Phil told himself as he begun to tell Clint what happened on that milk run. 

Clint just grinned even wider and settled in. At the end of the story, he stretched and commented, "Steve is certainly a good guy. I guess all those hero worship is justified eh, Phil?" Laughing, he dodged the pen Phil lobbed at him.

 

***********

 

Phil tried not to notice that Clint had been spending quite a lot of time with Captain Rogers. It wasn't to say that Clint had not been spending time with him, but Clint was actually cutting short his range time to spar with Captain Rogers. When they fell into bed at the end of long days at work, more often than not Clint would have some story or other to tell about the Captain. Sometimes it was something the Captain did, sometimes it was something the Captain told him, like the fact that he and Sergeant Barnes were something a bit more than friends. Phil cannot decide whether he was jealous of Steve or envious of Clint.

He himself had been spending quite a bit of time with Captain Rogers as well, being his handler and direct superior for the time being though he had no delusions that it would only be for a short time while the Captain was being re-integrated into society and brought up to speed. They had went on a few more missions together, nothing as mundane as the first mission, but also nothing too critical. He found the Captain to be quite a strategic thinker and quick learner, making him a true pleasure to work with.

Phil was actually quite surprised to realize that Captain Rogers' combat skills was not up to par with the average agents and that he won most of his fights through sheer strength and speed. However he was also noting that the Captain's skills were improving quickly and made a point to ask one day after a mission debrief. "Captain Rogers, your combat skills have improve a lot in these past 6 months. I estimate them to be around the average level of any SHIELD agent though I must suggest that you continue to improve. You will likely be sent on more critical missions soon and having better than average combat skills will be advantageous."

"Oh, thank you. I knew that my combat skills are not as good as others so I have been practicing with Clint. He had been showing me new moves and practicing with me. Agent Coulson, you are correct when you told me that I would have found him a challenge that day I met him," Captain Rogers answered with his usual bright smile. Although Phil did not show it, he was quite surprised as Clint had always declined to teach the baby agents combat skills when asked. Phil didn't know what to do with this new information.

"Well, keep up the good work, Captain. I will see you at the gym tomorrow to assess your current level." When in doubt, Phil turned back to his paperwork. Boring, mundane paperwork always help to put things into perspective. He barely heard Captain Rogers' "Sir!" as he let himself out, engrossed in the after action report of a disastrous mission in Latveria.

It was seven in the evening when he raised his head from the pile of paperwork on his desk. The towering pile of papers had been reduced to a mere 5 inch thick stack. Phil paused and decided that the rest can keep for the next day and reached for his jacket. That was when he remembered that Clint had said that he would be late tonight because he had a sparring session scheduled with Captain Rogers. Phil leaned back in his chair, no longer in any hurry to return to a dark empty house.

As he sat alone in the quiet of his office, doubts crept into his mind. Did Clint enjoyed the company of Captain Rogers more than his company? They were much more similar in character after all, both of them being men of action while he preferred to think things through. _A paperpusher_ , he thought to himself. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he and Clint had sparred. Ever since he was promoted to Level 8, he had less and less time to spend on the gym or the range (where he used to go and watch Clint shoot). He wondered, as he often did at the beginning of their relationship, what Clint had seen in a balding paperpusher.

He knew that Clint loved him, never doubted it for a second. But was Clint happier with Captain Rogers? Was _Phil_ holding him back when he would rather spar or train with a younger, fitter man who preferred action over paper? He didn't think so, but he was no longer sure. Not with how much time Clint had been spending with Captain Rogers, almost more than he spent with Phil. Not that he was counting of course. Phil didn't know and for the first time in his life, unsure on how to proceed. He decided that he would not say anything and savour all his time with Clint just in case this _thing_ they had was winding up to an end. Not for the first time, he wished that he was younger, more active. Not for the first time, that wish would be in vain. Phil was a thinker through and through. He would never be comfortable jumping into action without a plan. And if Clint wanted Captain Rogers because of that, then there's that and the only comfort Phil have would be that Captain Rogers was a good man and Clint could hardly do better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Phil. He is being a stupid ass over Clint-the-Oblivious.


End file.
